i know what you're thinking, "justin why are you posting this christmas themed video in may? last time i checked you're not a department store so there's no way you're having a 'christmas in may' event" well no and as usual i'm operating on a level completely beyond all you mere mortals. no, i posted this video because it's the worst thing ever. it's so fucking lame and bad and not cool at all, in the words of bill o'reilly "FUCKIN THING SUCKS" (i'd post that video but i have to assume you've seen it at this point). had i posted this around christmas it would at least be seasonally appropriate but i want to drive the point home that there is NOTHING cool or appropriate about what you're about to see. and what's that, you might ask (if you haven't hit play yet)? awful looking ninja turtles singing an inane song to the tune of a rasta version of "deck the halls".
where do i begin with this... well first of all, why is it that when i was a kid it was the acceptable thing to have all children's music sound like reggae? from this shit, to numerous "raffi" songs, to the very theme to the ARTHUR series, it seems like reggae was the universal language for teaching us kids to "learn to work and play and get along with each other". too bad it's probably responsible for the fact that most of my generation turned out to be dopeheads, dopers, and in some cases, dirty dope dealers. and why do the turtles look so goddamn shitty? i think my leonardo halloween costume from '91 had a higher budget than this production. and then the turtles start SCATTING - no you sick fuck, i don't mean shitting all over each other, i mean making "jazz" noises with their mouths. come to think of it, maybe it'd be better if they shit all over each other...
second off, ninja turtles singing songs always just SUCKS, like in the case of the "coming out of their shells" thing, which i could only just start watching to laugh at a year or two ago, up until then it bummed me out so hard i couldn't even sit through it. you're probably thinking "OK justin, you're making fun of little kid's entertainment, obviously you're shooting fish in a barrel here". well i WAS a little kid when all this shit came out, and i remember getting that odd feeling when you're growing up and looking forward to something, and you know it's SUPPOSED to be awesome and you SHOULD be really entertained, but something about it just intensely bums you out. TMNT is responsible for instilling some of these cold feelings in me for the first time in my life, first with "coming out of their shells" and then later when TMNT III came out. it was getting to be time for me to say "I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT", and i was like 9. bummer, but i guess we've all gotta grow up some day.
anyway watch this stupid video and then barf all over yourself and then eat the barf
1 comment:
well said. i've been on a TMNT kick lately, and while i have a soft spot for their zany one-liners and insatiable hunger for hot slices, let's face it: they're immature pussies.
i think their collective favorite move is the "get out of the way at the appropriate time so enemies miss and attack each other, then drop a half-witty remark to make them look like baffoons."
leonardo has swords. two of them. let's see some bloodshed for god's sake.
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