DON'T PLAY AROUND WITH MY AFFECTION, WOMAN!

Anyone that knows me knows that I love b-movies, especially low-budget horror movies and shit like that. One sure sign that a movie is going to be legit AWFUL, like not even so bad you can laugh at it but just painful to sit through, is when it's so low budget the directors couldn't even get actual hot girls to play the "hot girl" parts. I mean I'm not even a director or a super-popular guy but if I were to make some shitty horror movie I could def make a few phone calls and get an at least decently attractive girl to appear in the fucking thing (and probably show her boobs and still maintain the budget).

This is a video by some guy named Mark Gormley who looks like a cross between someone's shitty dad and that high school science teacher you had who's class was boring as shit. Wait, I guess that teacher probably was someone's dad (nothing's more boring than having a family - true story, most boring assholes on planet earth have a 'loving family' to back them up)... okay that's beside the point. What I was getting at with the above paragraph is that this music video has some girl dancing around through half of it that's supposed to be the object of this guy's affection who is currently driving him batshit insane (the song is called WITHOUT YOU) and she's NOT EVEN FUCKING HOT. I mean obviously this guy is like in his 50s or something, but like if you're gonna have a girl half your age in a video FIND A HOT ONE. don't you have a son or something who has an attractive female classmate you could bribe to be in this stinker?

these shots of the fugly female are interspersed with GORMLEY himself just standing in place, crooning this super "rockin'" tune that he probably thinks is right in the vein of the doors or LED ZEP with synthesized drums (no real drumset has ever sounded like that) and an awful sounding guitar riff... GORMLEY is blue-screened onto a lot of different wacky backgrounds including a glacier and at the end a space station (!) then at the very end of the clip, which I guess is from some odd music video program from pensacola or some bullshit, a girl who's 10 X as attractive as the one in the video shows up! you should have got her for your production, GORMLEY.

i'm not going to bother giving you things to watch for this time around... this video should be watched once, all the way through with eyes wide open (not eyes wide shut like that crappy movie) and then never watched again. just focus and then once it's over spend the next rest of your life trying to erase the images and sounds from your brain. fuck you gormley.

ps i can totally imagine my dad thinking that doing something like this would be a 'cool' or 'fun' idea and it would bum me out so hard if he actually did that... my dad is sort of ridiculous character but he has pretty strong standards of dignity, i've never known him to go out of his way to publicly embarass himself so luckily the internet is free of music videos of him singing original songs with synthesized drum beats. i think the closest my dad has come to public ridicule was when matt mclean found his folder of INVENTION IDEAS in the ogden family basement and then put a note on our family's account at hollywood video (where matt worked) saying "THIS GUY IS AN INVENTOR - ASK HIM ABOUT IT!" so even long after matt stopped working there and no one knew the source of the note on the account, the employees there would ask him about being an "inventor" (i'm not sure if my dad has ever successfully invented something) every time he went in. i think my dad was actually really stoked about that though.